DISCLAIMER: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle are not mine (Renaissance Pictures/MCA Universal have first dibs); I just borrowed them for a bit, but I returned them none the worse for wear. This story is for entertainment purposes only and is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by MCA Universal or Renaissance Pictures.
This story is a short, silly piece inspired by the episode "King Con."
SUBTEXT: Yep.
NOOKIE: Nope. No moaning, no groaning, no humidity, and no creative or obtuse words for body parts.
Send comments, kudos or brickbats to: bonmot@ix.netcom.com
A beautiful Grecian afternoon: the sun shines, a gentle breeze blows, the birds tweet, and the bees buzz. Xena and Gabrielle crest a small, grassy knoll; the bard perched atop Argo and Xena walking alongside, reins in hand, leading the mare.
G: *petulant* "It feels fine."
X: *annoyed* "It won't if you walk on it."
G: "Hmph, how would you know."
X: "I have many--"
G: *mutters* "Oh, stuff a sandal in it, princess."
X: *placating, yet testy* "Gabrielle, I know you don't like riding Argo, but your ankle is sprained. Stay off it, let it heal."
G: "I need something to distract me."
X: "Tell a story."
G: *pouts* "I don't feel like it."
X: "Read my mind."
G: "It's blank."
*Xena shoot Gabrielle 'The Look' and quickens her pace*
X: "Then let's play a game."
G: "Which game?"
X: *irritated* "I don't know, Gabrielle--20 questions, truth or dare, spin the water skin--just pick one."
*Gabrielle ignores Xena's outburst and contemplates her choices*
G: "How about Guess the God."
X: "Guess the what?"
G: "Without using words, I act out defining characteristics of a god and you guess who I am."
X: "This sounds suspiciously like charades." *casts a narrow eyed glance over her shoulder* "You know how I feel about charades."
G: *sarcastic* "I'm painfully aware."
X: "Get off it Gabrielle. I didn't even want to play charades, you made me."
G: *defensive* "Made you? Since when do I make you do anything?"
*Xena looks at Gabrielle with raised eyebrows and pursed lips*
G: "Besides that, Xena." *waves a dismissive hand*
X: "Like I said, you made me play." *smirks* "Anyway, I needed a prop and you were handy."
G: "Xena, how many times do I have to tell you? You don't use props in charades. You do it with _your_ body and _your_ hands."
X: "Your body, my hands what's the difference?"
*Gabrielle rolls her eyes and repeats Xena's response in a sing song voice*
X: "All right, miss smarty skirts, explain to me how I was going to do Prometheus without props?"
G: "Without tying me up for starters."
X: "Is it my fault you struggled and wouldn't cooperate?"
G: "Argh! You are so, so, so pigheaded sometimes!"
X: "Speak for yourself. I told you, "Don't move, you'll hurt yourself."
G: "I didn't move, you pushed me!" *jabs an accusatory finger at Xena*
X: *affecting an air of innocence* "I did no such thing! You were hopping away, I grabbed for you, and you tripped--"
G: "And twisted my ankle again. Speaking of which, it's throbbing now, it hurts." *gently massages wounded ankle*
X: *'poor baby' tone of voice* "Would you like me to kiss it and make it better?"
*Gabrielle takes a moment to consider it*
G: "Actually, there is something you could kiss that would make me feel better."
X: "Yeah?" *glances at Gabrielle*
G: *nods and whispers* "Yeah."
*Xena brings the mare and her own steps to a halt, she turns and looks up at Gabrielle*
X: "How much better?"
G: *leans down until she's nose to nose with Xena and whispers seductively* "A whole lot better."
X: *purrs* "Name it, what shall I kiss?"
*Gabrielle continues her sultry stare down in silence*
G: "My ass."
*Xena's half lidded sensual haze expression is replaced by shock*
G: "Gotcha!" *laughs with abandon and almost falls off Argo*
*Xena watches Gabrielle's mirth with a scowl*
X: "Gabrielle?"
G: *wipes tears from eyes* "Yeah?" *giggles continue*
X: "Bend over."
*Gabrielle's laughter abruptly stops*
*Xena smugly winks and turns to resume walking, when something hits her on the back of the head*
X: "Hey!" *spins around to glare down at the offending missile--Gabrielle's skirt--she jerks her head up and gazes saucer eyed at Gabrielle--like a pedestrian caught in the path of a speeding chariot*
G: *all business* "I believe you were going to kiss my--"
X: *suspicious* "Gabrielle! What are you doing?"
G: "I'll give you three guesses." *grins saucily*
X: "For Gaea's sake, put this back on." *thrusts skirt into Gabrielle's hands*
G: "That's a first. Usually you tell me 'take it off!' and sometimes you don't even bother asking, you just ri--"
X: *agitated* "Gabrielle, we're out in the open, this is no time to be naked."
G: "Well it's not as if I don't have a purpose."
X: "And that would be?"
G: "Xena, are you a woman of your word?"
X: "Yes." *caught off guard by the change of topic*
G: "If you say you're going to do something, then you do it, right?"
X: "Riiiiight. Your point being?" *places hands on hips*
*Gabrielle smirks and throws her skirt in Xena's direction*
G: "Then it's time for you to shut up, pucker up, and get busy. I ain't got all day."
*Xena arches an eyebrow, a slow grin edges onto her lips*
X: "Before I...make good on my word, I'd like to know, does this mean we're not playing Guess the Gods?"
G: "Yes. I changed my mind."
X: "Typical woman."
G: "Hey! Are you complaining?"
X: "Oh no, no, no."
*As Xena leads Argo and a partially clothed Gabrielle into the surrounding forest, their banter slowly fades*
X: "I think I'm going to like this new game--what's it called?"
G: "I don't have a name for it yet."
X: "Hmmm, how about Kiss and Make Up?"
G: "Ehhh." *waggles hand in so-so motion*
X: "Twin Peaks?"
G: "Xena! Really..." *reaches down to slap Xena on the shoulder*
X: "I know, how about Spank the Monkey."
G: "Monkey? Who are you calling a monkey?"
X: "Bottoms Up?"
*Gabrielle groans and shakes her head*
fini