DISCLAIMER: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle are not mine (Renaissance Pictures/MCA Universal have first dibs); I just borrowed them for a bit, but I returned them none the worse for wear. This short story is for entertainment purposes only and is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by MCA Universal or Renaissance Pictures.
Inspired by the ep Forget Me Not.
SUBTEXT: But of course!
NOOKIE: Nope, but plenty o' affection--all very PG.
Send comments, kudos, or brickbats to: bonmot@ix.netcom.com
Far away from the Temple of Mnemosyne and Joxer, Xena and Gabrielle lie asleep on their bedroll. Gabrielle snores lightly and Xena reluctantly wakes up because her left arm is numb; she shifts Gabrielle to a more comfortable position and as she does, Gabrielle begins mumbling in her sleep.
X: *groans* "Oh no, here we go."
Soon after they began traveling together, Xena discovered that Gabrielle talked in her sleep. Well, it was more like a conversation, nay, at times an inquisition. If Xena wished to catch her winks, she realized long ago that she had to 'play along'; then and only then would Gabrielle quiet for the remainder of the night.
G: "Xena, where are you going?"
X: *reassuring* "I'm not going anywhere."
G: "Good."
*silence*
G: "Don't you dare try and ditch me."
X: "Heavens forbid. Wouldn't dream of it."
G: "Damn straight."
*Gabrielle quiets down and Xena mentally sighs in relief; Xena begins to drift off...*
G: "Mine." *possessively clutches Xena's leather*
X: *opens an eye and gazes at Gabrielle*
G: "Can't have." *pouts*
X: *arches an eyebrow*
G: *growls* "Hands off sister-soft-as-water or I'll knock you into next week."
X: *grins and shakes her head*
*silence*
G: "Who do you love?"
X: *stares at Gabrielle--a wee bit confused, but very amused*
G: "I said, who do you love, woman?"
X: *bites her bottom lip to keep from laughing and answers melodramatically* "You, only you, my small in stature, but big in attitude I-can-bring-home-the-bacon-and-fry-it-up-in-a-pan Amazon Queen."
G: *satisfied, nods her head in agreement* "Don't you forget it."
X: *snorts* "You'd never let me."
G: *stern* "Are you getting sassy?"
X: "Who me?"
G: "Yeah, you, ya big hussy."
X: *teasing* "Jealous lover."
G: "Walking contradiction."
X: "Speak for yourself."
G: "Hmph. Softie."
X: "Hard ass."
G: "Thank you."
X: "You're welcome, but I was actually referring to your--"
G: "I know what you meant," *murmurs* "pervert." *shifts her body and squeezes Xena* "My sexy, moody, dark, mean chickie."
X: *frowns* "Chickie? You've called my many things, Gabrielle, but chickie is a new one."
G: *makes peep peep peeping noises into Xena's cleavage*
X: "Hey! That tickles."
*Gabrielle quiets down; Xena holds her breath and waits for the next outburst, but only silence greets her ears; Xena begins to drift off...*
G: *whispers* "Careful, mustn't pet the kitty the wrong way."
X: *annoyed* "What now?"
G: *strokes Xena's hair* "Here kitty, kitty, kitty."
X: "Oh, for Gaia's sake!"
G: "Mmmm, such soft fur." *tangles her hands in Xena's hair* "Good kitty, that's it. Come sit in my lap." *begins pulling Xena onto her body*
X: *protesting* "Gabrielle…"
G: "Ooof! My you're a big kitty, don't miss many meals do you?"
X: *mumbles under her breath* "Speak for yourself."
G: *continues to stroke Xena's head, chiding* "I don't hear you purring--don't you like this? C'mon, pretty kitty, purr for me."
X: *rolls her eyes and releases an exasperated sigh* "Purr. Purr. Purr."
G: "That's it, that's a good pussycat." *scratches the nape of Xena's neck; Xena purrs in earnest and reflexively squeezes a bit of flesh under her palm*
G: *awakens with a squeak* "Agh! Xena, what are you doing?"
X: *momentarily disoriented* "Huh?"
G: *indignant* "Geez! Give it a rest, will you? I can't believe you were copping a feel while I slept."
X: *flustered* "I wasn't, I mean I was, but you--Gabrielle, I was not, as you so eloquently put it, copp--
G: "And for Gaia's sake, get off me--I can't breathe." *shoves Xena off her body*
X: "I'll have you know this was your idea."
G: *irritated* "My idea?"
X: "You told me to climb on you."
G: "Ha! Do I look like a piece of playground equipment?" *Xena gives Gabrielle an appreciative once over* "Nevermind, don't answer that."
X: "Gabrielle--"
G: "Yeah, and next you're going to tell me I--"
X: "Was petting my hair because you thought I was a cat."
G: *gives her partner a pitying look* "Xena. Please. You don't lie very well."
X: "It's the truth!"
G: "All I know is--I was asleep, I was dreaming about...um," *coughs and mumbles* "cats," *continues quickly* "and then I woke up because I felt a hand on my br--"
X: "Gabrielle, you were talking in your sleep again."
G: "I was?"
X: "You, actually, we were carrying on conversation."
G: *chagrinned* "We were?"
X: "Yes." *smirks* "Gabrielle, I discovered long ago that if I talked to you, eventually, you would quiet down. If I didn't answer, then you became a bit...testy."
G: "You are making this up."
X: "I swear on my swirly breast armor that I am not making this up."
G: *curiosity wins over denial* "What do I talk about?"
X: "What don't you talk about."
G: "Good point." *pause* "What's this about a cat?"
X: "Well, you thought I was a cat and you were..." *looks away in embarrassment* "petting me."
G: "Petting you?"
X: *reluctant* "Yeah."
G: *incredulous* "Me? Petting you?"
X: *testy* "Yes."
G: "Oh, this is too good." *smiles a nutbread eating grin* "Xena, Warrior-Don't-Mess-With-Me-Princess, former Destroyer of Nations, curled up in MY lap?" *throws her head back and laughs*
X: "I shouldn't have told you." *mentally slaps self on forehead*
G: "Oh, wait 'til Ephiny hears this!"
X: *gives her The Look* "You wouldn't."
G: "Oh, I'm sure I could be persuaded."
X: *sniffs* "Well, if that's the case, then I may be forced to share as well."
G: "Share what?"
X: "Things."
G: "Things?"
X: *cryptically* "Yes, things."
G: "What kind of things?"
X: "Embarrassing things." *wicked grin* "Things a certain redheaded chatty bard says and does in her sleep."
G: *impatient* "Could you be more specific?"
X: "Ok..." *runs her tongue along the inside of her cheek * "One night, you bolted upright from the bedroll and started singing 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.'"
G: *pales*
X: "By the way, are coconuts a euphemism for--"
G: *whispers* "You are making this up."
X: "You wish." *warms to the teasing* "Or how about the time we debated the pros and cons of changing my leather outfit to chain mail after the Hower and Minya incident."
G: *holds up a hand* "I think I've heard enough."
X: "Oh, you haven't heard the half of--"
G: *cuts her off* "Goodnight."
X: "Aw, c'mon, how about the time you were describing, in explicit detail, the things you saw in Meg's bordello--the petting zoo, the naughty blacksmith--"
G: "Xena, goodnight." *rolls over and away from Xena*
*Xena looks at Gabrielle for a moment, then carefully lies down behind her and
snuggles up*
X: "Gabrielle, I was only teasing. Your secrets are safe with me."
*silence*
X: "Please don't sulk. Granted, sometimes the sleep talking is annoying, but I find it all very endearing."
*more silence, but Gabrielle's body relaxes a little*
X: "Meow?"
*Gabrielle rolls over and tries to give Xena a stern look, but fails and breaks into a smile*
G: "C'mere puss in boots." *holds her arms open*
*Xena and Gabrielle make themselves comfy and Gabrielle quickly falls asleep; Xena is just about to drift off..."
G: "Gimme." *grabs a fistful of Xena's leather*
X: *sighs* "Here we go again."
G: "Please, just one more time?"
X: *arches both eyebrows*
G: *nuzzles the side of Xena's neck* "I love you."
X: *smiles* "I love you--"
G: "Joxer."
X: "--too..." *trails off into stunned silence* "Joxer?!"
G: *moans* "Mmmm the Mighty."
X: *sputters* "Wha...Joxer? Since when?"
G: *breathy sigh* "Ooo, I need your sword in my service right now."
X: "Gabriiiielle, wake up." *gently shakes the sleeping bard* "Dammit, Gabrielle, you've got some explaining to do."
G: *eyes pop open and a sly smile touches her lips* "Gotcha!"
fini