Been There, Done That

Rise and shine, rise and shine!

Been there Done That is one of my all time favorite eps; a clever, funny comedy borrowing it's premise from the movie Groundhog Day. Hilary J. Bader wrote this ep--haven't heard of her before, she must be new. If this ep is any indication of her skills, I hope TPTB let Hilary pen future scripts. Now is it me, or is Joxer less annoying than usual? Don't tell me I'm becoming desensitized--oh the horror! Finally, for some fans, Joxer dies! Yes, a little fantasy fulfillmet, even if it's short-lived.

ALTERNATE TITLES FOR THIS EP

Here We Go Again
Yesterday is Today is Tomorrow
For Whom the Rooster Crows
Deja Vu--It Could Happen To You

THEME SONG FOR THIS EP

Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual":

"It's not unusual to hear the rooster crow,
It's not unusual to wake in a barn, ya know?
But when I see Joxer with goose eggs again,
It's not unusual to throw a tantrum,
Pass the Valium,
No matter what Gab said,
Nothin' wrong with my head,
We've gone over this before,
No matter what I do,
The day repeats anew,
Why can't this crazy day just end?"

FAMILY FEUD

Oye! Not to be confused with the gameshow--no Richard Dawson, no kissing the womenfolk, and no 'survey says!' I'm talking about the houses of Lycost and Menos fussin' and fightin'. Petty squabbles, forbidden love, accidental death, and a curse from Cupid thrown in for good measure--Aaron Spelling meets Shakespeare. *melodramatic sigh* Can't we all get along? Xena unwittingly, unwillingly is forced to play problemsolver and peacemaker.

FANTASY FULFILLMENT

Other than chakram-ing Joxer in the chest, what other 'just once I'd like to' activities might Xena indulge in?

Making bets with Gabrielle and using her knowledge to win every time
Playing Hide in the Hay and Big Bad Warlord and Innocent Milkmaid in the barn with Gabrielle
Giving Joxer a noogie *every* morning
Using one of Gabrielle's scrolls for T.P.--still miffed about the whip for frying pan incident
Chakram-ing Joxer again.
In response to Gabrielle's death, Xena puts aside the 'don't turn into a monster' promise and goes on a rampage worthy of Evil Xena--terrorizing the village for old time sake.
Putting on a Vaudeville act--she sings, juggles, dances, fire breathes, flips, and now, she mimes!
Roasting marshmallows over Joxer's funeral pyre, "Hey, Gab, don't cry, have a marshmallow--lightly toasted, just the way you like it."

ASHION STATEMENTS: BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL

Welcome to ponytail town, Steven Segal would feel right at home. The majority of men have them: some short, some long, some fluffy, some not, some straight, and some curly. Mr. Menos had the best ponytail of all, it was petite and stiff with a playful upward curve--like a tail. I wonder, when he's happy, does it wag to and fro? Can he tie it in a knot? Can he tie it in a bow?

FASHION STATEMENTS: UGLY AND UNBECOMING

Ill-fated Romeo's lethal, blindingly yellow shirt, agh! Stare at it long enough and who needs Nightsbane?

8 EASY WAYS TO TELL IF THE DAY IS REPEATING

Hickey won't go away
The sound of a rooster crowing fills you with unexplainable trepidation and a sense of deja vu
Goose eggs (not Joxer)
Goose egg (Joxer)
Recurring dream that you are a gerbil trapped on a spinning exercise wheel going round and round and round
You've read this quiz before
More hay than usual in your unmentionables
You're taking Joxer's advice

CAN YOU SAY RICOCHET?

Hooray for geometry! I knew it had to be good for something. Xena's 'save the day' chakram toss was laughingly improbable (even more so than her shore to ship leap in Lost Mariner). but great fun to watch. I lost count of the ricochets (I became very dizzy), but I did note the objects of impact:

The chakram leaves Xena's hand, careens off a stone wall, a post, a flower basket, knocks off Casca's hat, hits a metal thing, the tavern sign, the bull statue, ricochets repeatedly in the archway, travels from one lightning rod to another, and another, ignites the birdnest, shatters the vial of poison, bounces off the fountain, a statue, and comes to rest in Xena's hand. Two words: bank shot (I bet Xena plays a mean game of pool).

LULLABY

Joxer offers to serenade Xena, "Go to sleep, Xe-eee-na." Hmmm, never heard that lullaby before. Perhaps Joxer should try one of the classics, tweaked, of course:

"Rock a Bye Baby"
"Kick butt Xena, give baddies the squeeze,
Can I be your sidekick, pretty please?
Gab's not a warrior, she's just a chick,
I have a sword, all she has is that stick."

XENA SAYS THE DAMNEDEST THINGS

"Joxer, you should be dead."

"Son of a Bacchae!"

"Gabrielle, did you know that Joxer simply adores you? He'd crawl over 15 miles of broken glass just to sweat in your shadow."

"No, no, yes, no, I tried that, yes--both ways, no, I don't know, no again. Are there anymore questions? Good."

"Riseandshineyafilthyrottenmoanandpissasassafrassinargh!"

"Well, we better get some rest. Today is going to be a very busy day tomorrow...small joke. Goodnight."

Xena: "So when you saw me in the village, why didn't you ask for help?"

Ill-fated Romeo: "Well, frankly, I was expecting Hercules or at least Sinbad."

G: "You have to stop them!"

X: "Been there, done that, didn't work."

"Gabrielle, I'm real busy here--go play with Joxer."

"Good girl." (as Gabrielle beats up a villager)

GABRIELLE SAYS THE DARNEDEST THINGS

"I'll rise, but I *refuse* to shine."

"Joxer, sometimes it's best to do what Xena says, she'll explain later." She turns to Xena, " You will explain later, right?"

Stableboy (drops a horseshoe on Joxer's head) : "Sweet Equestra! I hope I didn't hit anything!"
Gabrielle: "Nothing important."

X: "No, I'm fine. The day is just repeating itself."
G: "Yeah, right, I hate it when that happens."

Joxer: "Xena, you and me on the same wavelength. Two great minds, one thought."
Gabrielle: "Only half a wit."

G: "So you're saying that today is actually yesterday for you, but for us today is today because we can't remember that yesterday is today, right?"
X: " Right."
G: "Well, I still don't get it."

JOXER, SHUT YER PIE HOLE

"What if none of this is really happening and, like, we're inside someone else's head and they're making us up?"

"I know lots of people who've bonded over their mutual hatred of me--you two for example."

Joxer: "Do you guys honestly think I'd be stupid enough to step in between two guys with swords?"
Xena and Gabrielle: "Yes!"

"Group hug! *giggle*"

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

"Hear me cowards! We are your enemies. We spit on your houses *ptooey* we curse your names, we laugh at your ancestors--hahaha!"

"Now there's a woman who likes her vegetables." (as Xena grabs the turnips)

CUPID STRIKES AGAIN

After Ares, Cupid is the runner-up on Xena's list of 'Gods I can do without'; first, the Comedy of Eros debacle and now this Romeo and Juliet fiasco. Xena was right when she said, "This love stuff is a real pain!"

PROBLEM SOLVING 101

"So, I find out every stinky little thing there is to know about these people. I save the old man, stop the fighting, and use the information I have to make peace between the houses and *still* it isn't enough!" Xena wracks her brain for a solution. She tried kicking butt. Didn't work. She tried dishin' the dirt diplomacy. Didn't work either. Desperate, Xena tries kicking butt and dishin' the dirt diplomacy. Aha! The magic combination. 'Be nice or be in a world of hurt.' Perhaps she could give the U.N. some pointers.

SCENES FROM THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR

Poor Xena, living the same day and having the same conversations over and over. After a while, she probably feels caught in the middle of an Abbott and Costello routine from Tartarus. Here's a snippet of conversation between Xena and Gabrielle. After ditching Joxer, "Go find more goose eggs." they enter a tavern and sit down. When the barmaid approaches:

X: "She'll have the vegetable soup, lamb medium well, fried chicken livers with a side of goat's cream, and cider. I'll have the lamb and some port. Bread for both of us."
G: *confused* "Xena, why...how did you know what I wanted? Wait,don't tell me, lucky guess? Mind reading?"
X: "Neither, like I said earlier, the day is repeating itself. You order the same foods for lunch every day, I'm just circumventing the amount of time you usually spend hemming and hawing."
G: "I do not hem and I certainly do not haw! (pause) The day is repeating?"
X: "Yes."
G: *playfully slaps Xena's forearm* "Joxer's not around, tell me the truth. This is a joke, right?"
X: "Do you see me laughing? By the way, I'm sorry I had to tie you up earlier."
G: "Hmph. I'm not angry anymore, I just thought we were gonna--"
X: "Gabriiielle."
G: "Ok, ok! It's just that we haven't, with Joxer around...you know..."
X: "I know."
moment of silence
G: "Sorry about your neck."
X: *smirks* "I'm not."
another moment of silence
G: "Well, I still don't get it, why is the day repeating?"
X: *exasperated sigh* "I knew you were going to say that."
G: "There's no need to be sarcastic, Madame Fortune Teller--"
X: "By tomorrow, which is really today, you'll forget what I tell you today. Just take my word for it, ok?"
Gabrielle glares at Xena and prepares to pinch her on the arm
X: "Don't even think about it."
G: *startled, suspicious* "Sure you're not psychic?" sits sulking, then her expression turns contemplative, "Xena, are you sure the Furies removed the curse of Madness--"
X: "Oh for the love of Zeus!"

QUIBBLES

For all his screen time, how come the rooster wasn't given guest star billing? Fencing epees? Run out of regular swords? Did Zorro sneak on the set? I tried to count the number of days repeated, but I lost count at 16. Your guess is as good as mine.

KIBBLES & BITS

The tavern sign with the 2 bulls, sometimes the bulls are resting and other times the bulls are charging one another.
Xena as 'Jessica Fletcher' interviewing the potions 'n poisons man and fighting her growing impatience.
The panning shot of the town square showing all the villagers either dead or unconscious.
Xena as 'Jerry Springer' gathering gossip at the midwife's house and forced to eat a disgusting muffin. I kept waiting for Xena to spit out the offending crumbs or toss it out the window. Xena's silent wish, "Where's Gabrielle when I need her? She'll eat anything--she ate raw squid for Gaia's sake."

SCENES THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMM...

Xena: "It's not the Fates, it's not Ares, it's not something I ate. No poison dart marks. No Bacchae bites." (lifts hair and exposes her neck)
Joxer: "Is that a hickey?"
Gabrielle quickly looks away from Joxer and Xena with a 'caught-with-my-hand-on-the-nutbread' expression. Could it be she still has a touch of the Bacchae in her?

Xena wakes up the morning after Gabrielle's death; slowly snakes her hand into the haypile (her expression is a combination of hope and fear), Gabrielle gives a sleepy moan (hey now, careful where you grab her), Xena excitedly jumps up and pulls Gabrielle into and fierce embrace (watch for the shared little smile in the midst of Joxer's "group hug").

Xena holds a turnip in each hand while draped over Gabrielle's shoulders and talks about "Seizing the day!" I couldn't help but notice where Xena positions the turnips and how she handles them--makes me want to seize the bard, er, the day too.

QUICK--HIT THE REWIND BUTTON!

The burial song! The comfort scene!
While Xena rants about the day repeating itself, Gabrielle places her hand on Xena's forehead and cheeks ascertaining fever/delusion and Xena irritably slaps her hand away.
The rooster 'clears' it's throat, begins to crow, and Xena does a 'Julia Child' with the chakram (*poof* go the feathers!)
Xena chakram-ing Joxer in the chest with a satisfied smirk on her face and Gabrielle's horrified, stuttering, reaction.
Gabrielle bound, gagged, motionless, and shooting daggers at Xena's retreating back; Joxer gagged, hog-tied, and squirming beside her.
Xena's increasing frustration each morning, in particular, her 'rolling-in-the-hay-cursing-up-a-storm-leg-kicking-hand-waving' tantrum.
Gabrielle and Joxer sitting Buddha still, bewildered, and blank-faced while listening to Xena think out loud.
In the midst of a fight, Xena 'borrows' Gabrielle's staff for surveying purposes leaving her unarmed and a little peeved.

SCENES TOO SAD TO SEE AGAIN

Gabrielle's death
Argo's death

XENA, EWW! DONT' TAKE ME THERE

Kissing Joxer on the cheek--cooties!
Taking Joxer's advice "The enemy of my enemy...,"a cold soak in a lake is one thing, but matters of diplomacy are another!

SCORCHY SEXY NOT SO SUBTEXT

Joxer's funeral pyre scene. Xena comforts Gabrielle, gives her a 'cheer up lil' camper' hug and suggests they go to sleep. They lie down together on the bedroll; Gabrielle rests her head on Xena's shoulder, her hand curls around Xena's torso, and as Gabrielle drifts off to sleep, Xena strokes her hair. Mmmm, what a delovely and delicious image. Rewind!

XENA'S SKILLS

Psychic (well, not really, but Gabrielle thinks so)
Diplomat
Surveyor
Butcher (de-feathering and de-boning a rooster; the Chakram beats a Ginsu knife hands down)
Investigative reporter (Xena as the Nat'l Enquirer's Gossip Grrl)
Hog-tying/Knot art (former Greek Girl Scout or pre-Mycenaean cowgirl?)
Firestarter (ignites a bird nest with the Chakram)
Gives a mean noogie--picture it: Xena and Todd (Bill Murray/SNL) having a "noogie off" on the heads of Lisa Lubner (Gilda Radner/ SNL) and Joxer.

HAIKU! BLESS YOU

Over and over
Today repeats tomorrow
I've been there, done that

Damn that #*@%! Rooster
What the hell was I thinking?
Must kill Joxer now!

She won't rise or shine
Gab's not a morning person
Hey, nice bedroll hair

DISCLAIMER

The rooster was not harmed during the production of this motion picture, although his feathers were severely ruffled. However, a little gel and mousse straightened out the mess.

TEASE ME, TAUNT ME, NEXT WEEK'S EP

Ares! Back again so soon? Thugs! Friends or foes? Xena and Gabrielle in cloaks! Caped Crusaders of Ancient Greece? Thirteen, twelve, squeaky clean? No, The Dirty Half Dozen!

--LaLa