My karma just ran over your dogma.

Between The Lines puzzles me. Normally, I would not like an ep if the plot is a confusing and contradictory tangle; the plot, or what passes for one in this ep, is inconsistent and takes great liberties with (at times misrepresenting) the concept of karma and the use of mendhi.  Also, successive and drastic changes to a character's appearance tend to disorient me; I do not care for Gabrielle's new pixie 'do. Despite these two shortcomings, I can't help but like this ep. A lot.

In its favor, Between The Lines has fast 'n furious action, a great antagonist in Alti, gorgeous costumes, the romantic notion of Xena and Gabrielle's souls entwining throughout time, and last, but by no means least, hot grrl grrl mendhi action! As much as I would love to raze this ep for shoddy construction, I'm suckered by the eye candy and overarching theme. Yep, I'm a sucker...a superficial and sentimental sucker.

CAVALCADE OF CHARACTERS

Naima: the Darsham (enlightened one) a.k.a. the Mistress of Mendhi.

Alti / Khindin: the bitch is back!

Xena / Arminestra: from the Destroyer of Nations to the Mother of Peace -- isn't life ironic?

Gabrielle / Shakti: getting in touch with her masculine side.

Athlan: Arminestra's faithful mendhi fetcher and crossbow target.

NOT SO SUCCINCT STORY SYNOPSIS

Namia sends Xena and Gabrielle into the future. The grrls must save their karmic skins from the fabu and freaky reincarnation of Alti.  She's back to suck up people's past lives - including Xena and Gabrielle's -- like a hungry Hoover. Naima gives Gabrielle mendhi, which is the secret weapon that will defeat Alti. Time out! Envision Xena and Gabrielle, soft lit with gauzy lens, engaging in slow n' sensual grrl grrl mendhi body painting scene. *whew! fanning self*  Time in! Using the mysterious and magical power of mendhi (and some fancy synchronized vogue-ing), Xena and Gabrielle trap Alti and drag her back to the past. It's a rematch between Ol' Raccoon Eyes and the W.P.

They insult one another; Alti uses her mental mojo to knock Xena silly; Gabrielle joins the fray; Alti picks her up by the scruff of the neck and shows her the crucifixion vision in the first person; Xena calls Alti a name that rhymes with "witch." Things look bad. REAL bad. Who should stroll out of nowhere? Naima. Like the Buddha, she calmly faces down Alti and makes Xena and Gabrielle light up like glo-worms. While Gabrielle and Naima "hold" Alti in place, Xena conjures up 4 super duper destructo mental mendhi-enhanced chakrams. Suffice to say, Xena nips Alti the bad bulb in the bud. The End.

ALTERNATE TITLES FOR THIS EP

• Back To The Future
• Tattoo You
• Ray Of Light
• Paint By Numbers
• Karma Chameleons
• Show Me The Mendhi

THEME SONGS FOR THIS EP

Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" becomes "Mendhi Dance" as sung by Gabrielle:

"Mmm-eeen Dhiiii Dance! Mendhi Dance!
Ah we can paint if we want to, I'll draw some lines on your behind,
Cuz if you don't mendhi then you offend me,
Well, then you're no playmate of mine,
I say, I can paint a picture,
In a place where the sun don't shine,
And we can trap evil spirits from other worlds,
Leave our present lives far behind and we can mendhi,
We can mendhi, we can mendhi, everybody paint lines on your hands,
We can mendhi, we can mendhi, now it's time for our Wonder Twin dance,
Oh yeah the mendhi dance, oh yeah the mendhi dance!"

FASHION STATEMENTS: BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL

• Naima is gorgeous. Her ruby red outfit is gorgeous. Her mendhi is gorgeous. Did I mention she was gorgeous?
• Xena / Arminestra's gold embroidered peacenik beanie.
• Alti / Khindin's battle dress: dark, commanding, glittery and intricate. A definite improvement over the blood n buckskin.

FASHION STATEMENTS: UGLY AND UNBECOMING

• Xena's Indian haute coutre reminds me of a Charlie's Angels outfit (Kate Jackson or Jacqueline Smith?); silk harem pants with sash and an overlying short skirt, an unflattering high necked halter top, the surgically attached gold coin head dress, and the huge gold millstone necklace. Zoinks! This is a fashion emergency.
• Gabrielle / Shakti's turban is much too big for her head.
• Gabrielle's new short coif makes her look like a blond Q-tip. [Personally, Netgyrl is LOVING this new do in a big way.]

BURNING QUESTIONS

• Who wrote the Xena Blue Scroll? (Hmm...could it be Gabrielle? Doh!)
• Why is Gabrielle still wearing Tataka's clothes? I would think the whole ensemble carries bad memories and would've been kindling for the next campfire.
• What happened to Gabrielle's Amazon mini and BGSB?
• Gabrielle chooses not to kill in this life, but as Shakti, she is a warrior who takes many lives. How does she reconcile the killing she does as Shakti with her current non-violence credo?
• Is it me or does Claire Stansfield look a lot like Anne Bancroft?
• Why is Gabrielle's trip to the future different than Xena's (other than the obvious reason)? Why oh why the cheesy portrait studio head shot?
• Why didn't Xena / Arminestra throw the knife at Alti / Khindin?
• How did Gabrielle's staff, which was broken in half by Alti, suddenly put itself back together for the end shot of the ep? Hello!  Continuity?
• Where did Xena hide/carry her chakram in her India outfit?
• How is mendhi truth? How is mendhi able to capture, transport, and defeat evil? How and why is the mendhi Alti's enemy?
• How did Gabrielle adapt to her reincarnated body and all its male "accoutrements"?
• Naima turned into a ball of light and disappeared. What was she? Human? Spirit?
• Why did Gabrielle cut her hair? Xena just bobbed it with the chakram; Gabrielle could've trimmed it, braided it, or hidden it under a hat until it grew out.
• Why are some of Xena and Gabrielle's mendhi markings permanent and some aren't? Xena has a permanent chakram on her foot (who knows what else lurks under the clothes) and Gabrielle has permanent mendhi on her collarbone and belly. Will the mendhi carry over into the following eps, or will it disappear without a trace?
• So, Xena and Gabrielle will recognize one another in future lives by the women's symbol (it must've been hell to hook up in the 1970's during the height of feminism).

QUIBBLES

Naima's husband was very dead, very stiff, and very fake. I mistook him for an Oscar Statuette.

Xena's over-enunciation (speaking s l o w l y and clearly for the foreigners) "What has this woman done?"

I thought immersing oneself in the local culture meant respecting their laws and customs; Xena committed a huge cultural gaffe by rescuing Naima from the funeral pyre (not that I agree with the custom, just pointing out Xena's breach of native etiquette).

Am I to believe Namia didn't have time to tell Xena why she must be sent to the future yet she somehow found the time to sit on pillows and play 'touch my mendhi' with Gabrielle?

There was no blood on Shakti's day glo yellow tunic from his crossbow wound.

Me so confused! Xena and Gabrielle's spirits overtake Shakti and Arminestra; during this time, are Shakti and Arminestra on hold or present but only watching from the sidelines? What is this whole thing about Alti looking for spiritual powers in the karmic circle? How is fear the tool for extracting and assimilating past lives? In which lifetime is Alti more powerful in anyway? The present or future? If she is more powerful in the future, why not use the mendhi to kill her there? If Xena and Gabrielle bring Altil back to the present, they will have to kill her again in the future. If Alti is more powerful in the present (where she is already dead), why did they bring her back to life? And lastly, Naima says that Alti's soul doesn't die, it just reappears in a different form in each life. How come Alti can end Xena's karmic circle, but no one can end Alti's karmic circle? Arrgh!!

Mendhi takes a while to soak into the skin and you need to wrap the painted body part in gauze during that process.

Why couldn't Gabrielle get in at least one hit on Alti? C'mon, just one teeny tiny wallop?

When Xena and Gabrielle apply mendhi on one another, it resembles puffy paint; at the very end of the ep, when Xena uses the mendhi applicator to draw the women's symbol on her foot, it looks like magic marker.  What up?

KIBBLES AND BITS

• The actress portraying Khindin (Alti's reincarnated self) was scary good -- she gave me the willies.
• The actor portraying Shakti (Gabrielle's reincarnated self) is so darn cute. I love the moment of modesty, when Gabrielle enters his body, discovers she is topless, and quickly covers her chest.
• So, Xena (as the Mother of Peace) can't kill Alti / Khindin...ain't reincarnation a bitch.
• I love the irony of Xena as the Mother of Peace and Gabrielle as a warrior; each doing the thing contrary to their present nature. I find it disturbing that Xena finds her role as the Mother of Peace as non-heroic and somehow worthless -- thank goodness Gabrielle has the proper perspective on heroism.
• Grrl power! The mendhi is hidden in the wall behind the women's symbol.
• Alti has an interesting concept of gift giving. I'm sure Gabrielle would've appreciated some bubble bath or barrettes instead of the crucifixion vision.
• I love how Gabrielle (as Shakti) describes Xena, "Tall, dark hair, a particular warcry when she attacks."
• Ew! The placenta chunk covered baby in Xena's flashforward.
• The CGI in this ep is fantastic! Naima's light show and the time travel effects are well done; my favorite effect is the mentally conjured / mendhi enhanced chakram.
• Renee does a wonderful job during the crucifixion re-enactment scene.  It's painful to watch.
• Naima fights in way similar to Lao Ma -- exuding a calm reserve and forceful presence while using her magical mental powers to kick some bad grrl booty.
• Alti is a wonderful villain. In all likelihood, because she's been killed twice, there's little chance Alti will return again. What a shame.

SCENES TOO SAD TO SEE AGAIN

Alti / Khindin putting the eye-poppin' throat squeeze on Xena / Arminestra.

Alti vs. the goodie grrls (Xena, Gabrielle, and Naima). This time around, Xena doesn't have the power of Amazon spirits to help her battle Alti (and thank the gods the fighting is down to earth -- no flying squirrel theatrics). As a result, Xena only gets in a few good hits before Alti starts using the old mindf*ck (treetrunks, Callisto, and Dahok -- oh my!) *cringe* Ouch! Gabrielle tries to whup Alti, but not before Alti grabs her by the hair. Gabrielle gets a bloody painful taste of her future courtesy Alti, while Xena watches helplessly. Xena uses her chakram to save Gabrielle from further stigmata, but Alti alters the chakram's return flight and it slices Xena's throat. Double ouch!

SCENES THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMM...

Xena and Gabrielle clothes shopping in the marketplace...

G: "Xena, it's not as if people will stare at you."
X: "I'm not worried about that."
G: "It's the latest rage in India. You know what they say, "When in Rome --""
X: "Oh please."
G: "Ok, different analogy. Um, when you want to fly with the eagles --"
X: "Don't dress like a turkey?"
G: "Oooo."
X: "I don't know Gabrielle, it's just not me."
G: "Oh, it is you. The color, the jewelry -- it says casual, it says sexy, it says -"
X: *leaps into the air and does a spinning kick*
G: "It says a lot."

Naima and Gabrielle discuss karma...

G: "This karma that you're talking about, can you see mine? Can you see how much Xena is a part of that?"
Naima: "Yes, in many lives past and future."

Xena and Gabrielle hit the road again...

G: "You know what she (Naima) said? She said that your karma and mine are intertwined."
X: "Maybe it's not the first time we've walked down this road, huh?  Maybe it won't be the last."
G: "How would I recognize you?"
X: "We need a sign." *draws the women's symbol on her foot* "This way, no matter how we look, we'll always remember the women we were. Like it?"
G: "I love it."

SCORCHY SEXY NOT SO SUBTEXT

Xena tending to an unconscious Gabrielle and sponging her forehead.

Xena slapping away Alti's hand as she moves to caress Gabrielle's head.

Xena and Gabrielle's sexy 'n sensuous mutual mendhi body painting: the languorous pace, the heavy lidded eyes, the abundance of exposed skin, the gauzy golden lighting, and all that touching! *fanning myself* I have only one small quibble, this scene is much too brief. Two of my favorite moments: Gabrielle painting Xena's back with her hand resting on Xena's hip and the W.P. lounging placidly like a sated cat in a sunspot; Xena, with eyes closed and lips parted, tracing the mendhi on Gabrielle's collarbone.

How sweet, Xena and Gabrielle's bloody, bruised, 'crawling my way back to you babe' reunion.

QUICK -- HIT THE REWIND BUTTON

• Xena snapping that wet towel like a terror in the locker room…who knew you could wring out a towel into a staff?
• Xena / Arminestra and Gabrielle / Shakti's synchronized synergistic vogue-ing (also known as, Wonder Twin powers activate! Form of - mendhi!) Alti didn't know what hit her.
• (I could not get over Renee's musculature -- those biceps *swoon*)
• Finally! Xena and Gabrielle combine their powers to fight a foe together. Downright refreshing to see Gabrielle in the fray with Xena, not standing off to the side playing cheerleader.
• The funeral pyre burping up Xena, Gabrielle, and Naima; followed closely by a spinning top-ish Alti.
• Xena's homeplate slide attack on Alti.
• Xena's mendhi manifested double barrel chakrams that blow that bad ol' bitch to bits.

ALTI SAYS THE MEANEST THINGS

Alti to Xena: "We have so much to catch up on. Last time I saw you, you were killing me."

Alti to Xena: "Well, how pathetic. The great warrior can't kill."

Alti to Xena: "I see you found your friend, Gabrielle was it? Yes, she has a lot of power. Her past lives have filled her. Soon, that power -- your power -- will be mine."

Alti to Xena: "Don't worry, you'll die slow. I want to feel every delicious moment of your pain."

Alti to Gabrielle: "What's she told you about little girl? Has she told you about my powers? Has she told you about this? That's my gift to you, that's your future. She's responsible for your death."

Alti to Gabrielle: "Give me that pain, give it to me."

XENA SAYS THE DAMNEDEST THINGS

Xena / Arminestra: "Gabrielle?"

Gabrielle / Shakti: "Xena? Is that really you? Naima didn't tell me that you'd look so different."

Xena / Arminestra: "So do you."

G to X: "You know, if this doesn't work, it all ends here - everything - our souls."

X to G: "If we're going to bring her (Alti) back to the past and beat her, you better start painting."

Xena to Alti: "You bitch!"

GABRIELLE SAYS THE DARNEDEST THINGS

Naima: "Make move, sweet thing."
Gabrielle: "I don't have time for this. Where is Xena?"

Xena / Arminestra: "It's funny, here you are the warrior, the hero."

Gabrielle / Shakti: "Xena, in this lifetime, the Mother of Peace would be a goddess to me. That's a hero."

G: "I guess it's a day for changes."
X: "Oh yeah. How does it (the new do) feel?"
G: "Feels pretty good. I wish I had some word in it though."

XENA'S SKILLS

• Committing cultural faux pas
• Furniture moving
• Time travelling
• Dispensing peace
• Cursing

GABRIELLE'S SKILLS

• Darsham 'napping
• Time travelling
• Walking like a man, talking like a man
• Kicking butt
• Body painting

SCENES FROM THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR

A future life. Athlan enters the command tent…
Athlan: "Shakti! What are you doing to the Mother of Peace?!"

Still in a future life...
X: "Show me."
G: "No."
X: "C'mon, don't be shy, show me." *reaches for Gabrielle*
G: "No! Stop that." *slap away Xena's hands*
X: "I want to see it. Just a quick peek."
G: "If you've seen one, you've seen them all."
X: "I haven't seen yours." *pause* "I'll show you mine."
G: "I've already seen yours."
X: "Not in this lifetime."
G: "Like I said, if you've seen one --"
X: "Please?"
G: "Oh, all right. But just a quick peek."
X: "Ooo, it's big."
G: "It has a mind of it's own."
X: "I noticed." *smirks* "I had no idea talking strategy would be so…stimulating."
G: "Why do you think I was giving commands from behind a bush?"
X: *evil grin*
G: "Just you wait. Another lifetime, another body..."
X: "You know what they say, "All is fair in love and war.""
G: "You can't say that, you're the Mother of Peace. You've got to behave."
X: "I don't have to behave, I just can't kill anyone."
G: "For you, same thing. You know, this must drive you crazy. You can't kill, you can't fight, you aren't as strong..." *evil glint*
X: *suspicious* "What are you thinking?"
G: "Paybacks."
X: "For what?"
G: "For a lifetime of abuse."
X: "Abuse?"
G: "Abusing my scroll, my BGSB, my body -- tickling me, holding me down, teasing me."
X: "Oh that. What about letting bygones be bygones?"
G: "I'm a warrior now, not a peacenik." *slowly circles Xena*
X: "Oh no you don't." *brandishes her cane*
G: "How are you going to stop me? Hit me with your cane? Better not, Mother of Peace, that might damage your karma."
X: *mutters* "I'll give you karma."
G: "I'm sorry, did you say karma or kama?"
X: "Why don't you come over here and find out." *winks*
G: "I don't think the Mother of Peace is supposed to...you know."
X: "Where does it say the Mother of Peace has to be the Mother of Chastity too?"
G: "Well, in that case, I should give you a hickey. I would love to hear you explain that to your followers."
X: "Don't you dare. I'm still trying to explain to Athlan what you were doing to me."
G: "He doesn't believe I was getting a kink out of your back?"
X: "I'm afraid not."
G: "If you had kept quiet --"
X: "Me? What about you?"
G: "-- moaning and carrying on. Is it any wonder Athlan burst into the tent? I see some things never change."
X: "Speak for yourself, Quick-draw."
G: "I'm still getting used to 'the equipment.'"
X: "Excuses, excuses." *pause* "I must say, you're certainly more aggressive in this lifetime."
G: "I am?"
X: "Yes. I like it."
G: "You do? You don't think I'm too forward, do you?"
X: "No. In fact, I don't think you're forward enough."
G: "Is that so?" *pulls Xena onto lap*
X: "Oh! Is that your sword or are you just happy to see me?"
G: "Saucy wench."
X: "That's Saucy Wench _of Peace_ to you."

Gabrielle tries to get Xena into some new native duds...
G: "Just try it for one day."
X: "But, I won't have any place to hang my chakram or whip."
G: "I'll hold your whip."
X: "Don't go trading it for a frying pan." *hands over whip*
G: *smirks and stows the whip in her scroll bag*
X: "Now what?"
G: "Take off your leather."
X: *reluctantly does so*
G: "And your boots...and your slip too."
X: "It is not a slip, it's my battle-dress liner."
G: "Whatever, off with it."
X: "But I'll be naked."
G: "Since when are you shy?"
X: "I'm not, but --"
G: "You won't be running around naked. Wear these."
X: *takes clothes from Gabrielle's hands* "I don't know, this outfit is silk."
G: "I think silk is sexy."
X: "Sexy?"
G: "And slinky, the way it drapes and clings to the body."
X: "Clings?"
G: "An outfit like that screams, "Touch me!""
X: "To whom?"
G: "To me."
X: "I'm sold."

DISCLAIMER

Xena's chakram got Gabrielle by the short hairs during the production of this motion picture.

TAUNT ME, TEASE ME, NEXT WEEK'S EP

Oh no! A mustachioed, multiple armed, flying carpet-riding demon in a turban has kidnapped Gabrielle!

Laura a.k.a. LaLa