We're on the highway to Hell!
Hoooowee, talk about a bust the budget ep! Explosions, sword fights, great costumes
-- all that's missing are car crashes and dancing bears. Even though I
have my quibbles with the plot (when don't I?), I really enjoyed Fallen Angel
(even had me a bit teary in parts *sniff*). It was a lot of plot and action
to cram into an hour, but it left me wanting more. I guess this means season
5 is off to a good start, eh?
I will not even try to explain the theological jambalaya in this ep -- way too
confusing and contradictory; let's just say this is another pit stop on Xena
and Gabrielle's world religion tour. That's right, forget all you've heard about
Tartarus and The Elysian Fields; the afterlife (Paradise and Hell) is a mishmash
of Christianity, Judism, Taoism, and Hinduism. Like I said, don't think about
it too hard, it'll make your head spin (the ep is good theater, but poor logic).
Instead, I'll concentrate on more important things, such as, what was up with
archangel Michael's hair?
CAVALCADE OF CHARACTERS
- Xena: first she's dead, then she's an archangel, and then she's a demon
-- hello Sybill!
- Gabrielle: gets off on the wrong cloven hoof after death, but recovers nicely.
- Callisto: a bad ass little bat demon grrl who sees the light and gets some
wings.
- Amarice: the angry Keebler Amazon returns.
- Eli: suffers a crisis of faith, but rebounds with one hell of a magic trick.
- Joxer: shows his softer side and almost, almost makes me like him.
- Michael: is it Rod Sterling or an archangel?
NOT SO SUCCINCT STORY SYNOPSIS
Xena and Gabrielle are dead. Whoops, just kidding.
ALTERNATE TITLES FOR THIS EP
- Touched By An Angel (so obvious I know, but quite apropos)
- Dead Women Walking
- H E Double Hockey Sticks
- Catch Me I'm Falling
- All Bards Go To Heaven
- Hell's Angels
- The Devil Made Me Do It
- Charlie's, er, Michael's Angels
THEME SONG FOR THIS EP
Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" becomes
"Another Soul Bites the Dust" as sung by Callisto:
"Another soul bites the dust,
Another soul bites the dust,
And Xena's soul and Gabby's soul,
You'll become one of us,
Hey, Gab wontcha eat some fruit?
Another soul bites the dust,
Am I happy? No, but I'm satisfied,
Hey Gab, can you take the heat?
Just you an me here in Hell,
This is such a treat, yeah,
Another soul bites the dust..."
FASHION STATEMENTS: BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL
- Callisto and Xena's 'She Devils from hell' get ups. The horns, pointy scaly
wings, cloven hoof high heels, and the crosshatch reptile style makeup. Bad
never looked so good.
- Oh those arch angel outfits *pitter pat* I just could not get over how good
Xena and Gabrielle looked. The big fluffy wings, the kilty skirts, the armor,
and the smiting sword *thud*
- Xena's silver avenging angel sandals -- perfect for stomping out evil or
steppin' out in a disco.
- Demonette Gabrielle has such cute little horns (but she needs a bath something
fierce).
FASHION STATEMENTS: UGLY AND UNBECOMING
- Xena and Gabrielle's cobwebby toilet paper afterlife outfits -- looks like
they were on the wrong end of a roll of Charmin.
- Demon Xena's Eddie Munster Hairline.
- Amarice's purple passion lipstick (in the night scenes).
- Was it me, or did Demon Xena look a bit like a Klingon?
- Pray tell, how much hairspray was sacrificed in order to achieve Michael's
shellac'd heavenly helmet hair?
- Callisto's gold 'n gaudy angel outfit could work double duty as a Christmas
tree skirt or giant doily.
- Callisto's flat funky long hair.
BURNING QUESTIONS
- What the hell happened to Tartarus and the Elysian Fields?
- Is that heavenly Demon Be Gone Bubble Bath on the market? It would sure
come in handy during PMS...not mine of course ;)
- Is receiving the 'light' akin to a lobotomy? Callisto sure seemed mentally
vacant after her transformation from demon to angel.
- Since when has Gabrielle fought so well? Has she been faking a lack of mastery
all along or has death enhanced her fighting skills? Heck, she's almost a
match for Xena.
- All right, who is the wise guy (or gal) who re-used the dialogue snippet
of bucky beaver Xena shouting, "Gab weee eeelle!"
- When Demon Xena said this about Gabrielle, "I can smell you,"
just what was she referring to? On second thought, do I reaaaaally want to
know?
- Did anyone else share this thought as Eli helped remove Xena from the cross:
"You're next."
- This is one for the Duh! Department. What was Michael thinking when he saw
Demon Xena carrying Gabrielle to the precipice? Hmmm, it certainly wasn't
"Gee, if I run up behind and tackle them -- and me with no wings -- that
would not achieve the result I'm looking for."
- Would Xena have taken Gabrielle to hell if Michael hadn't pushed them all
off the ledge? I keep thinking Gabrielle would've talked Xena out of it.
- What is it with cliffs, holes and our grrls? I was having Bitter Suite and
Paradise Found flashbacks.
- Whom did Angel Callisto touch? What did it signify?
- Is Callisto the guardian angel for Xena and Gabrielle? Or is Eli her gig?
QUIBBLES
- When Xena and Gabrielle are taken from their respective crosses, we have
this nice music playing and no sound -- except the 'squuuuuich' of wood, flesh,
and nail parting ways. Ewwww! The scene would be so much better without that
sound effect.
- Huh, so during the space of a commercial, Xena metamorphizes into a demon,
takes over hell, and rallies the troops.
- Don't get me wrong. I thought the scene of Gabrielle and Callisto coming
to terms was well acted and quite touching. However, the resolution was reached
too quickly. Up to this point, Gabrielle's attitude is 'hate you, hate you,
die, die, die' and all it takes is an apology from Callisto, a soulful gaze
and bam! it's a love-fest.
- Callisto's authoritative basso "Eli" when she appears before him.
- Sometimes Xena and Gabrielle's relationship takes on such unhealthy overtones.
I couldn't help equating Demon Xena with a stalker.
- Why go through the motions of tossing Michael, Xena, and Gabrielle towards
hell and be denied the result of that action by a Deus Ex Eli? Why not
have Eli save Xena and Gabrielle prior to pitching them off the cliff? Same
dramatic effect with fewer nagging questions.
KIBBLES AND BITS
- Very cool special effect of the mendhi in the sky transitioning into angels.
- I just love the way Michael tells Xena, "Your friend has been taken
to Hell." Sounds so much like the beginning of a Twilight
Zone ep. I also like his line, "My name is Michael." Shouldn't
he be saying, "My name is Charlie, they work for me."
- Amarice's 'I wanna be just like you, Xena' speech made me rethink how annoyed
I've been with the Keebler Amazon. Perhaps she ain't so bad afterall. She
gets a gold star and an E.L. Fudge for the venom with which she addresses
Eli as "peace lover."
- I've always thought that Hudson played Callisto just shy of over the top.
In this ep, she goes over the top and then some. Just when I thought she had
gone too far, she has her 'revenge' speech moment and I felt sorry for her.
Hudson was brilliant and I loved every campy, wicked moment. Callisto is by
far my favorite villain; nice to know she gets her oblivion, but so sad to
say goodbye.
- Callisto's bloody wing stump. Mondo grosso.
- Demon Xena's Wicked Witch of the West cackle.
- So nice to see Mr. Luv (Eli) having a crisis of faith.
- Although Demon Xena is evil with a capital E, she shows
a surprising amount of tenderness and vulnerability with Gabrielle.
- Xena reaching for Gabrielle's hand moments after being brought back from
the dead.
- I must say, I felt sorry for Joxer, especially after he realized he has
a snowball's chance in hell with Gabrielle (that eternity comment and all).
FAMILIAR FACES
Charles Mesure, who plays Michael, has also played Darnelle, the warrior in
Dirty Half Dozen and Mercer, the soldier in The Price.
SCENES TOO SAD TO SEE AGAIN
- Xena and Gabrielle's bodies removed from the crosses.
- Gabrielle being held down and force fed the fruit of hell.
- I'm kinda torn...watching Demon Xena and Gabrielle go medieval on one another
was hard to watch; on the other hand, it was one hell of a good fight.
- Seeing the single green feather fall and knowing Gabrielle isn't far behind.
SCENES THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMM...
The look Gabrielle gives Joxer after she comes back to life and he touches
her cheek.
SCORCHY SEXY NOT-SO-SUBTEXT
Gabrielle waking up in Hell, spooning with none other than Callisto:
G: "Xena?"
C: "Good morning, honey."
Sounding so much like a spurned lover, Demon Xena tries to convince Gabrielle
to join her in hell.
X: "Come with me now, what do you say?"
G: "I can't."
X: "Why not? Gabrielle, the love we have is stronger than heaven or hell.
It transcends good or evil, it's an end in itself. Our souls are destined
to be together. Gabrielle, you can't let me walk through hell alone."
G: "I'm sorry."
This is creepy sexy...Demon Xena caressing Gabrielle's face.
This needs no explanation:
G: "We're going to be together, for eternity."
X: "Yeah."
QUICK--HIT THE REWIND BUTTON
- Callisto encouraging Gabrielle to eat the fruit.
- Gabrielle, under the influence of hell fruit, biting a fellow demon.
- Gabrielle, still under the influence, taunting Callisto.
- The swordfight in hell between archangel Xena and demon Callisto.
- Demon Xena acting like an excited monkey -- screeching and bobbing up and
down -- at the end of her 'we're not gonna take it anymore' speech.
- Demon Xena carrying Gabrielle to the precipice.
XENA SAYS THE DAMNEDEST THINGS
M: "Are you insane?"
X: "Depends who you talk to."
X to M: "I didn't come all this way to lose her (Gabrielle) now. So
either you set me up with a pair of wings or I take another dive."
Demon Xena: "Oh, no! We're going to hell!"
GABRIELLE SAYS THE DARNEDEST THINGS
Demonette G to C: "Callisto...when Xena burned your family, did you
see them on fire? Did you smell their flesh sizzling? You know what I think?
You wanted them to die so you'd have a reason to be a bitch."
G to M: "Are you telling me Xena is in Hell and she's (Callisto) in
paradise?"
G to C: "Your sweetness act is disgusting, I'm not buying it."
CALLISTO SAYS THE CATTIEST THINGS
C to G: "Eat up my little dumpling, you must be famished. Dying always
makes one so very hungry."
C to X: "I will never stop hating you, Xena, do you hear me? Never!
You killed my family, my soul, my reason to live and love and I will spend
eternity seeking revenge."
XENA'S SKILLS
- Human torch / Fire walking
- Rabble rousing demons
- Compassion
GABRIELLE'S SKILLS
- Eating her daily allowance of fruit
- Biting
- Forgiving
- Kicking butt...lots of butt
SCENES FROM THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR
Ok, here's the problem. This ep didn't leave me a lot to work with, so I'm
basically floundering with short blurbs. Better luck next ep.
Xena, newly resurrected, runs her fingers through her hair and notices some
missing...
Xena: "Hey, does anybody know what happened to my hair?"
Eli: "Well..."
Joxer: "Uh..."
Amarice: *whistling and looking away*
----------
*Gabrielle awakens in her earthly body, looks over at Xena and thinks*
"Thank the gods! No horns."
----------
Michael to Demonette Gabrielle: "Step away from the fruit."
----------
Demon Xena: "I can smell you."
Gabrielle: "What do you mean?"
DX: *sniffs*
G: "Are you saying I smell? *mutters* By the gods, you'd think that would
be one less thing to worry about being dead and all."
DX: "Yeah, Gabrielle, you're ripe."
G: "You're a fine one to speak. Smelled yourself lately?"
DX: *sniffs armpit, frowns a bit* "What's the matter Gabrielle, don't
you find demon sweat alluring?"
G: "Warrior sweat yes, demon sweat no."
DX: "Aw c'mon Gabrielle, what's a little stink between friends?"
G: "Xena, there are some things love cannot transcend."
DISCLAIMER
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
TAUNT ME, TEASE ME, NEXT WEEK'S EP
It seems the new lease on life has brought about some startling changes for
our gals -- new clothes and a new attitude for Xena -- has she caught the pacifist
bug too? While Gabrielle helps Xena rediscover her inner whupass, they must
figure out how to mend the broken chakram (psst! pass the superglue) and thwart
that hunk of burnin' love, Ares.
Laura a.k.a. LaLa
No,
no! Not these kind of 
