In Forget Me Not, Gabrielle tip toes through the metaphorical tulips to the corners of her mind, where those 'misty water colored memories of the she was' reside. She travels to the Temple of Mnemosyne in an attempt to answer the question "Why do I have this nagging feeling all is not well between me and Xena?". Gabrielle, also known as 'I can't remember what I did or said last night', is desperate-her discomfort goes way beyond an emotional 'not-so-fresh-feeling' to something deeper-we're talking 'buried-in-the-subconscious-better-get-a-backhoe' deeper. Forget Me Not is a clip show (deja vous!) that attempts to answer a couple of the remaining Rift questions: why did Gabrielle betray Xena in Chin and how did she get to Chin ahead of Xena?

Xena is conspicuously absent from this ep, but Ares is a welcome diversion. Joxer, well…he makes an appearance too, but I am less than enthusiastic about his role in this ep. I have mixed feelings about Joxer's presence; I vacillate between grudging amusement and extreme annoyance. Let me say for the record, I do not hate Joxer's character, he has a purpose in the Xenaverse (if at times that purpose is unclear). I object to Joxer's presence when he: (a) serves no purpose and is on-screen window dressing because of a pay or play contract. (b) 'takes' Xena's place because TPTB mistakenly think Renee cannot carry an ep by herself. (c) ruins otherwise wonderful moments in an ep (e.g. Xena and Gabrielle's reconciliation hug at the end of the ep). This ep is boffo when dealing with the Gabrielle, Xena, and Ares triangle, but not-so-boffo whenever Joxer appears.

ALTERNATE TITLES FOR THIS EP

• Forgeddabouddit
• Regrets, I've Had a Few
• Don't Take Me There
• Pillow Talk
• Take Me To The River

THEME SONGS FOR THIS EP

Blondie's "Heart of Glass" becomes "Shady Past" as sung by Gabrielle:

"Thought I'd been up-front and honest at last,
Soon turned out, I had a shady past,
Seems there's a secret that I still keep,
Much chattering, talking in my sleep,
Late at night, I dream of the Green Dragon, the Debt, and you,
Oh the things anger and jealousy made me do,
Ares played me for a fool, yeah"

FASHION STATEMENTS: BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL

• Gabrielle's white, flowing toga--wet or dry it does the hardbody bard justice.
• Gabrielle's all too brief, au natural, getting sand in the unmentionables nekkidness.

FASHION STATEMENTS: UGLY AND UNBECOMING

Love the toga; hate the 18 hour cross your heart hemp rope that accessories it.

I'VE LOST MY MIND, HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

Gabrielle is sitting on a log--beside herself, literally and figuratively. She becomes increasingly distressed as she replays Hope's death and deceiving Xena. Joxer interrupts her shame spiral.

G: "I have to go."
J: "Go? Go where? Xena told us to meet her near the Temple of Mnemosyne."
<snip-o-rama>
Joxer: "I don't know what's up, but I know something is wrong. Maybe I can help you."
Gabrielle: "No one can help. It's my memories, I can't shake them. I can't sleep, I can't eat--it's like I'm paying for something, but I don't know what it is. I have to find the answer, Joxer. I have to do this alone, wait here."

PERHAPS I SHOULD RECONSIDER

Outside the Temple of Mnemosyne, Gabrielle contemplates entering; a young woman descends the Temple stairs and bumps into her.

YW: "Sorry, do I know you?"
G: "No, I'm not from around here."
YW: "Am I?"
G: "Did you see her? You saw the Priestess of Mnemosyne, didn't you? And your memories?"

The young woman never answers Gabrielle's question--she just wanders off in a haze of permanent amnesia--free of the past and free of anything resembling a personality (similar to the affliction politicians experience).

ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW

Gabrielle enters the Temple of Mnemosyne, despite witnessing the Priestess' handiwork. Once inside, the Priestess explains the pros and cons of Gabrielle's impending trip down memory lane.

P: "Gabrielle, you're about to take a journey through your memories."
G: "Like a dreamscape?"
P: "Do not confuse dreams with memories. Your memory has three rivers to find the answer to your pain. You must cross them all. Once you find the answer you will have to decide."
G: "Decide what?"
P: "On whether to keep your past or forever lose it. This bowl will hold everything you know, if it is ever emptied, so goes your memory. Do you understand the risk?"
G: "I've decided. I need to know."

NOT ONE OF HIS BETTER IDEAS

Joxer, against Gabrielle's wishes, follows her to the Temple and tries repeatedly to get past Fric and Frac, the Temple guards (Joxer is under the mistaken impression that Gabrielle needs to be rescued). Eventually, he succeeds; as Joxer carries Gabrielle from the Temple, the Priestess has some parting words.

"She is on her journey, Joxer, that Gabrielle is just an empty shell with no realization of her past."

WHO INVITED YOU?

Gabrielle finds herself on the bank of the first river. Just as she's about to dip her hand into the water…

Ares: "Uh, uh. I wouldn't do that if I were you."
Gabrielle: "What are you doing here?"
A: "You don't know? Oh yeah, the memory thing, right? Got a problem up here? Bad thoughts keeping you up nights? Believe it or not, I'm here to protect you."
G: "Maybe you're here for your own selfish reasons."
A: "Aren't you?"
Gabrielle turns her back on Ares and gingerly steps into the river.
A: "It's called the River of Wailing and just remember, I did warn you."
G: "This isn't so bad."

Well, it ain't so bad until she splashes river water on her face; Gabrielle is immediately beset with flashbacks of her crucifixion, stabbing Meridian, and Crassus' execution. She emerges on the other side of the river drenched in blood, like some Carrie meets The Shining incarnation, and faints.

MANY RIVERS TO CROSS

Gabrielle wakes up (unbloodied toga and all) from the River of Wailing experience and finds herself in a very chilly place. North Pole anyone? Once again, Ares appears and gives his travelogue spiel.

A: "River of Woe, you know, it isn't any better than the one you just went through. Think about it."
G: " I have. The last one took me by surprise, but I'm ready for this."
A: "I hope so, this river runs deep."
Gabrielle cautiously begins her journey across the fragile ice bridge…

ONE BRIGHT IDEA AFTER ANOTHER

Joxer and 'the Gabrielle facsimile' walk back to camp. Joxer tries to jog her non-existent memory to no avail.

J: "These are your scrolls. You wrote them. This is your bag. This is your staff. Sound familiar now?"
G: "Sorry Jerkster."
J: "Joxer."
G: "Nothing seems familiar. In fact, I don't even know what familiar feels like."
J: "High Priestess was right. Gates are open, but no one's storming the castle."
The proverbial (5 watt) light bulb goes off over Joxer's head.
J: "Now I am going to teach you about yourself. I am going to give you your memories back, ok? But just the good one, none of the painful ones. That's what you wanted, isn't it?"
G: "I don't know."

WOE IS ME

Gabrielle inches her way across the River of Woe; the ice crackles and breaks apart underfoot. Ares watches from the sidelines.

G: "If I can just stay above the water, it can't hurt me."
A: "Interesting…there's an analogy here, of course. The water representing our torment, the ice the thin layer of control we like to believe that we have over it--"
G: "Shut up!"
A: "But it's a false confidence. If the ice should suddenly develop a-"*the ice bridge crumbles beneath Gabrielle's feet*
G: "Help me!"
A: "Not my job, my dear. Well, at least not yet anyway."

Gabrielle loses her balance and plunges into the river's frigid depths. She's overcome with memories of Chin: betraying Xena to the Green Dragon, pimp slapping Xena, the resulting death sentence, and her failure to comprehend the meaning of Xena's debt to Lao Ma. Ares drags Gabrielle ashore and creates a fire for the shivering bard.

I JUST DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THE PAIN

G: I can't continue, it's too much."
A: "That's the spirit--let it go. I mean, what does it matter? Pain is just nature's way of saying 'Hey, you're alive!' Accept it, who needs the truth?"
G: "I can go back. I have the answer."
A: "Do you now?"
G: "Yes, I thought I'd never come to terms with my mistakes, but I did. I visited Xena in Ming T'ien's prison." *flashback to Gabrielle visiting Xena in the dungeon and their reconciliation* "See? Now I know."
<snip-o-rama>
A: "You are such a smart little girl. That's what I like about you. Now go, back through the River of Woe toward home. Don't worry, if anything happens, I'll be here to save you. That is, if doesn't bother you owing a favor to the God of War."

Gabrielle wades into the River of Woe and all seems hunky dory for a moment, until the scattered chunks of ice meld together and trap Gabrielle under a solid sheet of ice.

ICE CAPADES OR BARD ON ICE: SHAKEN NOT STIRRED

Gabrielle struggles wildly, pounding on the ice as she drowns; finally, she breaks through and crawls out of the water.

A: "Whoops! Guess you were wrong. Nice try though."
G: "I can't go back, I can't go forward-I don't know what to do."

Ares, ever the pragmatist, tells Gabrielle she can stay in the North Pole and die or venture on to the next river and die--the choice is hers.

TRIAL BY FIRE

Gabrielle warily approaches the final river, the River of Fire. Guess who's there to play Welcome Wagon?

G: "I have to go on, the Priestess said the answer is on the other side."
A: "What she told you means nothing. If you survive, the answer might be there. Is it worth it? Is the quest for knowledge worth all this pain?"
G: "Yes! It has to be. Otherwise, what's the point of living?"
A: "Point? There is no point to living. Don't you get it, Gabrielle? Maybe that's the source of all your pain--all you've been through with Xena, all she's put you through. Maybe you finally realized it all adds up to a big fat zero."
G: "You're wrong! Not with Xena. We were lost once, but Solan took us to Illusia to give us one more chance. We found ourselves."

BARD BBQ: RARE, MEDIUM, OR WELL DONE?

G: " It was worth it."
A: "Then why are you still here? Answer me."

Gabrielle answers Ares by trekking through the firewater--screaming all the way. Halfway to the other side, her memory reveals a hidden truth about the God of War.

G: "You!"

He's the one who provided the provocation and transportation to Chin.

TOO DARN HOT

She's hot, damn hot: hot and bothered, hot under the collar (figuratively speaking), and hot to trot. Gabrielle bursts into flame like a campfire marshmallow held too close to the flames.

THAT WHICH DOESN'T KILL US...TENDS TO PISS US OFF

As Gabrielle stumbles ashore, collapses, and continues to burn, Ares saunters over.

A: "Yes, now you know, but your strength is gone. The truth you look for, it's done you no good."
G: "You're wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong!" *with each denial, Gabrielle pounds her fist into the sand and incrementally douses the flames that engulf her body* "You aren't Ares, you aren't a god. You're from within me. You're that part of me that wants to hide the truth."
A: "Call me what you will-your guilt, your denial. You can't defeat me, you'll only die trying."

*Gabrielle stands (not a singe mark on her), faces Ares, and conjures her staff*

G: "That's why you're here as Ares."
A: "Yeah, Ares is the key, but he's only half the answer."
G: "I know, it's because of what I did. It's because of why I did it."

WELCOME TO GAB'S HALL OF SHAME

Gabrielle remembers it all: her acrimonious parting with Xena on the docks, her anger, her failure to understand Xena's debt, her hurt, and her meeting with Ares.

A: "Well, there she goes without you. Kind of makes you feel second best, doesn't it?"
G: "Leave me alone Ares. Xena has her own decisions to make."
A: "Really? Sounds more like an obligation to me. Yeah, Lao Ma must be important all right. Xena would never do anything like this for you. Funny, isn't it? You give up your family, your home, your blood innocence, your daughter--all because of Xena. And yet, it's nothing compared to the debt she owes this woman. Of course, you could always stop her."
G: "I could never get to Chin fast enough. Xena's sure to take the fastest route."
A: "That is true, you're only mortal, after all."

MAKING A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL

G: "You could do it. You could get me there ahead of her."
A: "Is that what you want? Because you have to ask me, that is, if it doesn't bother you owing a favor to the God of War."
G: "Send me there, I'm asking."
A: "To prevent a murder. For the sake of friendship."
G: "Yeah, friendship."

SCORCHY SEXY NOT SO SUBTEXT: CONFESSION TIME

Fresh from that 'knock the earth off its axis revelation', Gabrielle takes her anger out on Ares; swinging her staff and smacking Ares to his knees. She confesses all and sounds suspiciously like a jilted lover...

G: "I wanted to get there before Xena so I could betray her. I wanted to betray her. I gave her everything and it meant nothing to her. I hated her for loving someone else. I wanted her to hurt. I wanted her to be punished and I almost got her killed. Why? My hatred and jealousy almost destroyed my best friend."

THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION

A: "So, now you have the answer. The question is, can you live with it?"

GOOD TO THE LAST DROP

Ares picks up Gabrielle's bowl of memories and places it before her.

A: "Drink--empty the bowl."
G: "If the bowl is ever emptied, so go my memories."
A: "And the pain, all that pain."
G: "And the memories of my youth, my parents, my loves-"
A: "The betrayal, the killing, the death of your child-"
G: "And Xena."
A: "Bottom line Gabrielle, you won't miss what you never knew."

WISHFUL THINKING

Joxer concludes regaling Gabrielle with his grossly embellished and wishfully fabricated versions of her scrolls.

J: "That's it. That's your whole life right there."
G: "By the gods, I am so incredibly in love with you. I wish I could feel that again."

Gabrielle attempts to jog her memory by kissing Joxer, but his kiss sparks nothing and *finally* Joxer's conscience and self-preservation instinct kick in; he puts a stop to Gabrielle's voracious attempt at unearthing buried memories. Joxer 'fesses up; Gabrielle's scrolls chronicle her adventures with Xena, not him.

FORGIVE ME GABBY, FOR I HAVE FIBBED

J: "I just want the old Gabrielle back. You know, the one who used to smack me on the forehead and gouge out my eyes. Forget everything I've told you, it's not who you are...except the part about dancing nude in the rain, that is you."
G: "Joxer."
J: "Jerkst-hey!" *Gabrielle grabs his ear and twists it*
G: "I have never, nor will I ever dance in the nude in the rain with you anywhere near me."
J: "Gabby, you're back!" *Gabrielle grabs his nose and tweaks it*
X: "Yes she is."

BACK WHERE I BELONG

G: "Xena, you knew all along. That's why you wanted me to wait at the Temple of Mnemosyne, right?"
X: "I wondered how you made it to Chin ahead of me. I figured Ares must have had a hand in it, but what I couldn't understand was why? Nightmares can tell you a lot of things-thank the gods you talk in your sleep."
G: "If I didn't have the painful memories, then I wouldn't know what the good ones were like, right? I just couldn't let it go, Xena, no matter what the pain. I'm sorry."
X: "No, no, it's over. Welcome home."

BURNING QUESTIONS

Temple or Bathhouse? You decide. That was soooome sponge bath Gabrielle receives from the Priestess and her little helpers--is a sponge bath free with every memory 'erase' (don't forget behind Gab's ears) or do you have to pay extra?

Why does Joxer remove Gabrielle from the Temple? He isn't doing her any favors by kidnapping her; in fact, he could cause her greater harm. Protection? Give me a break. What are few scantily clad Temple Priestesses going to do to Gabrielle? The journey and danger are in her mind; her physical body is safer in the Temple rather than out in the wilderness.

Why the shot of the burning bum in this ep? Gabrielle's latent exhibitionism is expressing itself regularly this season (Quill, Bitter Suite, Forget). Does the body double need extra cash for college—gotta pay tuition--time to bare the behind? (my naughty Xenite friend is convinced this is the case) Do TPTB have a fixation with nekkid bards? Are TPTB setting us up for a big revelation-Gabrielle is a nudist? Or is Gabrielle showing Ares one of the reasons why Xena sticks around?

THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS

It seems character development involves either the introduction of an evil 'they would never act like that in a million years' pod person twin or some kind of bi-polar behavior pattern. Case in point for the latter: Joxer, in the midst of his self centered motivations masquerading as humanitarianism, has a brief moment of jerk awareness clarity.

"No Gabrielle. Look, I elaborated. A little...a little bit...lots-well, a lot of littles. I lied."

As if this measly mea culpa will excuse or explain his more boorish and patronizing behavior--feh! Hey TPTB, leave Joxer as a jerk and cut the sensitive guy schtick, it ain't funny. Joxer ("A warrior like no other, so inept, so clumsy") works best in Beavis and Butthead mode.

QUIBBLES

• The actress who plays the Priestess of Mnemosyne is so wooden in her line delivery (how wooden is she?) that I mistook her for a 2" x 4" in a tunic.
• Joxer's attempt at reprogramming Gabrielle is, at first, quaint and cute. Too a point, I can understand taking the opportunity to try and change/recreate someone's mind. But if you think about it, it's a creepy, selfish, and manipulative thing to do. Good intentions or not, Jerkster is taking advantage of Gabrielle's empty slate state by pseudo-Svengali 'suggesting' a sexual relationship between them—a relationship that never existed and has little chance of existing in the future. Ew, ew, ew!
• Joxer interrupts a perfectly dreamy hug between the grrls--begone Mr. Grrl/Grrl Interruptus!

KIBBLES AND BITS

• One of the Temple guards reminds me of Lurch: his demeanor and speech pattern, I love the way he said "Ennnntaaaaaah!"
• One of the Priestess' little helpers had the jitters while holding the water jug--don't drop those memories...too much coffee?
• Looks like Gabrielle needs to dry clean the furry white thing on her staff--it's dingy from road grime and bashing baddies.
• A snarky Ares is a good thing.
• Gabrielle coins the most appropriate name for Joxer yet--Jerkster.

SCENES TOO SAD TO SEE AGAIN

• Gabrielle admitting the depth of emotional and psychic pain she feels to the Mnemosyne Temple Guard.
• Gabrielle's jilted lover confession.
• Xena's plaintive plea 'Gab, why did you do me wrong?'

SCENES THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMM...

Gabrielle ponders her popularity quotient with the Warrior Princess.

G: "Jerkster, do I live around here?"
J: "It's Joxer and no you don't . You wander around with me and Xena doing good stuff-like the stuff I told you about in the scrolls."
G: "I'm looking forward to meeting Xena. Do you think she'll like me?"
J: "Probably."

Probably? Is the Pope Catholic?

SCENES THAT MAKE YOU CRINGE

'The Gabrielle facsimile' kissing Joxer.

QUICK--HIT THE REWIND BUTTON

• Bare nekkid bard behind.
• Gabrielle's 'Ares revelation': the hair whipping, venomous exclamation "You!"
• Gabrielle mentally materializing her staff and opening a can of whupass on Ares.
• Ares 'my jaw just dropped to my boots' look of surprise when Gabrielle asks him for a favor.
• Xena and Gabrielle's 'all is forgiven' hug.

DO TELL JOXER

"Callisto is not my love kitten."

XENA SAYS THE DAMNEDEST THINGS

J: "Hey aren't you forgetting about me?"
X: "No, Joxer, not even Mnemosyne could help her (Gabrielle) with that."

GABRIELLE SAYS THE DARNEDEST THINGS

Mnemosyne Temple Guard: "You have questions that need to be answered."
G: "Yes, I have pain, incredible pain. I want it to end."
MTG: "Erasing the pain of memory comes with a price. Are you prepared to lose everything you've ever known?"
G: "Yes, I'm prepared."

Gabrielle to Priestess: "You could open a pottery shop."

Gabrielle (commenting on her BGSB) to Joxer: "It's very strange. In every story you tell me, this thing I'm wearing gets smaller. Is it enchanted?"

J: "It was a warm summer day in Poteidaia when the bard awoke. As she moved softy through--"
G: "Excuse me."
J: "Yeah?"
G: "What's a Poteidaia?"

J: "This is the story of Callisto."
G: "Callisto. Do I like her?"

"Is this that Centurion and Gladiator game we used to play?"

XENA'S SKILLS

• Absentee Warrior Princess
• Forgiving and Forgetting

GABRIELLE'S SKILLS

• Backstabbing and Betrayal
• Firewalking
• Impersonating a popsicle (or would that be a bardsicle?)
• Impersonating a dumb blond (unless you believe she's a redhead, which would negate this particular skill)
• Nose Tweaking
• Using the God of War for batting practice

HAIKU! BLESS YOU

The green eyed Monster
Is blond, chatty, and jealous
Her name? Gabrielle

Me? Goody two shoes?
Hands off sister, Xena's mine
I'm the jealous type

Dropped in the campfire
I feel like a marshmallow
Toasted golden brown

Ares, where are we?
Burn baby burn baby burn
Disco inferno?

I've no memories
His kiss feels wrong, I fancy
Blue eyes and leather

SCENES FROM THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR:

So, Gabrielle talks in her sleep...surprised? Hardly. What does she talk about?

DISCLAIMER

Xena and Joxer were not forgotten during the production of this motion picture.

TAUNT ME, TEASE ME, NEXT WEEK'S EP

Aphrodite's turning tricks again: Joxer dresses in women's clothing and swings in the trees, Gabrielle obsesses on her too sexy self, and Xena trolls for the halibut. Something fishy is going on...

LaLa