How sweet it is to be possessed by you!

The Quest is a wonderful ep, full of pathos and humor; a story of self-discovery, the value of friendship, and reuniting with the one you love. Three of my favorite recurring characters, Iolus, Autolycus, and Ephiny, lend a hand to bring Xena and Gabrielle back together. Xena's body is dead, but her spirit is very much alive, possessing bodies at will. She doesn't let a pesky little obstacle like death stop her; Xena takes the McGyver approach to problem solving: a thief, a knife, a map, a bard, a stiff, ambrosia, and some elbow grease.

ALTERNATE TITLES FOR THIS EP

• Body Snatchers
• Liss Me, You Fool
• Workin' My Way Back to You, Bard

THEME SONGS FOR THIS EP

Cole Porter's "I've Got You Under My Skin" as sung by Gabrielle:

"Xena, you're under my skin,
I've got you deep in the heart of me,
So deep in my heart my blond roots are turning dark,
I've got you under my skin."

Peaches and Herb's "Reunited" as sung by Xena:

"Reunited and it feels so good,
With the aid of ambrosia food."

FASHION STATEMENTS: BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL

• Xena's casket--love it! The designs on her bracers and breast armor are echoed on the casket.
• Gabrielle's Amazon Queen outfit: the color, the cut, the feathers, the baubles and bangles--quite lovely, she should wear it more often.
• Amazons--a scantily clad bunch, not that I'm complaining (beats caftans anyday). Kudos to the costume designers who do so much with so little material.

FASHION STATEMENTS: UGLY AND UNBECOMING

• Autolycus as the bearded lady, er, Amazon. How he went undiscovered with all the chest and leg hair remains a mystery. My, what perky breasts he had! Pre-Mycenaean implants? Will the versatility of grapefruit never cease?

HOW'S TRICKS?

Poor Autolycus, one moment he's thieving and the next his body is forcibly possessed by Xena's spirit. What the heck is going on?

X: "I need a favor from the King of Thieves. I want you to steal my dead body from the Amazons."

Is that all? Whatever happened to simple requests, like picking pockets? Amazons do not look kindly upon men or stealing. This is a favor with a capital F.

I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR

Gabrielle: "Back off, I'm warning you!"
Bounty Hunter: "Hey little girl, you think a corpse is worth getting beaten up for?"
Gabrielle: "You tell me. I'm taking Xena back to be buried with her brother. I promised her."

This ain't no little girl lost; this is a 'go grrl, got it together' Gab. Forced, by Xena's death, to find her strength, identity, and way in the world. Long gone is the tag along adolescent peasant from Potedaia. Gabrielle's grown into a mature, loyal, confident, and self-sufficient young woman. It's quite satisfying to see the progression of Gabrielle's character--thanks to excellent writing and Renee's exceptional acting.

XENA SAYS THE DAMNEDEST THINGS

"Oh no you don't, I need you sober."

"Let go and hold on!"

"Gabrielle, it's me. I want you to do something. Close your eyes. Close them tightly and think of me."

GABRIELLE SAYS THE DARNEDEST THINGS

"Every night I see it happen, every morning I wish it was a dream."

G: "She's gone. She just left me. How could she do that? She just left. I really want to hate her for it."
I: "No, no you don't."
G: "But I miss her. There are so many things that I wish I could tell her. Why didn't I when I had the chance?"
I: "What would you have told her?"
G: "I would've told her how empty my life was before she came and all the lessons I've learned. And that I love her."

"It can't be...wait...it is Xena!"

AUTOLYCUS: MASTER OF WITTY REPARTEE

"Another day, another defilement."

"Choose the one drink you wouldn't give your worst enemy and give me a double."

"Hello ladies, I'm quite mad, top of the morning to you."

"What would a dead woman want with me?"

"I'm not just leering at scantily clad women you know, I'm working."

"You know, losing your body has done nothing to improve your patience."

G: "You're trying to steal Xena's body."
A: "It's not what you think it is, well, actually, it is what you think, but not why you think."

"Hey, I paid for an hour!"

VELASCA: MISTRESS OF PAIN

"Xena was a true Amazon, even though she denied it."

"Let me tell you something about myself. I like pain. I like what it does to people and I like what is makes people do. And I'm not bragging, I'm just explaining."

"Take them, they'll die with the traitor."

"I wasn't meant to be Queen, I was meant to be a god!"

TO QUEEN OR NOT TO QUEEN

As if Xena's death isn't enough to deal with, Gabrielle is embroiled in Amazon politics. Melosa's dead; Velasca wants to be the Queen, permanently, but Gabrielle is in the way. The power play for the mask begins...

G: "And make you the new Queen?"
V: "I'm already Queen, this is just ceremony. Gabrielle, you have neither the training nor the birthright to claim the position. I do. It belongs to me."
G: "I'll think about it."
V: "You do that. Think hard."
Velasca's over confident, expecting Gabrielle to wilt under her withering glare and hand over the mask. Fat chance, sister. At the coronation ceremony, Gabrielle keeps the mask and Velasca throws a knife. Meow! Velasca then vents vitriol to which Gabrielle responds:
G: "Quiet!"
Gabrielle engages Velasca in psychological warfare and offers her a choice: the knife or the mask.
G: "Take it. Go on."
Velasca grabs the knife, then reaches for the mask, which Gabrielle whisks out of her grasp--psych! you lose!--Gabrielle dons the mask and Velasca leaves in a huff.

Scorecard: Gabrielle 1, Velasca 0.

BEVY OF BADASS BABES

Velasca is a bad grrl. Not the kind of bad grrl who'll steal a fifth of tequila and meet you in the backseat. No, no, Velasca is the kind of bad grrl who'll push you down 13 flights of stairs and kick your dog. Smart and mean, a dangerous combination. Why is she such a b*tch? What crawled under her headband and died? Velasca suffers from delusions of grandeur; she's too big for her brassiere and I ain't talkin' cup size. Poor Gabrielle, now she has her own 'personal psycho', much like Xena has Callisto. Thank the gods Xena, while possessing Gabrielle's body, shish kabob'd Velasca's bloated ego on the temple spikes.

SCENES TOO SAD TO SEE AGAIN

• Gabrielle having a nightmare
• Velasca beating up Autolycus
• Xena's funeral pyre

SCENES THAT MAKE YOU GO HMM...

Gabrielle kissing Xena's chakram. My name ain't Freud or Jung, so you draw your own symbolism.

QUICK--HIT THE REWIND BUTTON

• Gabrielle bashing the bounty hunters.
• Ephiny and Gabrielle tip toeing bare bellied through the wind blown blades of grass.
• Autolycus, possessed by Xena's spirit, fighting off Amazons and stealing her casket.
• Xena taking control of Autolycus' body and speaking with Gabrielle on the dreamplane.
• Autolycus removing the pin from Solari's brassiere.
• Autolycus' reaction when he realizes he's kissing Gabrielle and Gabrielle's reaction when she realizes she's not kissing Xena.
• The rope fight between Velasca and Gabrielle/Xena.

BATTLE OF THE WARCRIES

Autolycus or Gabrielle, who does a better Xena warcry? It's a toss up, I can't decide.

SCORCHY SEXY NOT-SO-SUBTEXT

I know comparisons aren't fair, but who said I was objective? Seems Gabrielle is more distraught over Xena's death than she was over Perdicus' death. Gabrielle's sweet and touching eulogies:

"Xena, I'll always love you, but now I have to let you go. I always thought of you as my home and when you left, I felt so lost."
"You know there are two kinds of tears. Tears for those who leave you and tears for those who you never let go. And I won't say good-bye to you, Xena, because we'll be together again one day."

But the *poof!* my panties just burst into flame--clean up on isle five moment of the ep goes to...

THE KISS

Gabrielle closes her eyes, thinks of Xena, and transports to the dreamplane...

X: "Gabrielle? Gabrielle, it's me, I'm not dead."
G: "Why? Why did you leave? There are so many things I want to say to you."
X: "Gabrielle, you don't have to say a word."
Gabrielle is alternately ecstatic, distraught, and indignant (rightfully so). Xena, in her usual stoic Jack Friday 'just the facts ma'am' manner, outlines 'the plan' and attempts to comfort Gabrielle...
G: "Xena, I can't lose you again."
X: "Gabrielle, I'll always be here."

Xena leans down, her lips on a collision course with Gabrielle's; just as their lips meet, the scene cuts to Autolycus and Gabrielle kissing. He's surprised at the turn of events and Gabrielle's equally surprised he isn't Xena...

A: "Well, I hope you two worked things out."
G: "We did. Thank you, I mean that."
A: "Certainly, whatever's necessary, I'm here for you both."
G: "Autolycus."
A: "Huh?"
G: "Get your hand off my butt."
A: "Oh, heh, heh, can you imagine--"

Xena smacks Autolycus with his own arm

A: "This is not helping our working relationship."

Xena, Xena, Xena, a mite overprotective aren't we?

TWO PEAS IN A POD

All is right with the world. Gabrielle has her dark mean chick back and Xena doesn't have to possess any bodies, except her own. The grrls sit side by side and reflect upon recent events:

G: "Xena."
X: "Yeah?"
G: "Promise me that you'll never die on me again."
X: "Oh, I promise."
G: "You know, for a few moments, I knew what it was like to be you."
X: "And?"
G: "It was warm, friendly, loving."
X: "Gabrielle, it was a fight!"
G: "I felt protected. The world needs people like that, right?"
X "Right."

Gabrielle rests her head on Xena's shoulder and we're left with a Kodak moment of two women basking in the warmth of their friendship.

BURNING QUESTIONS

• Is Velasca dead or alive? Will she return like a bad penny?
• So, Xena ate ambrosia (the heavenly blob of marshmallow with indefinite shelf life and complex situation appropriate plot convenience characteristics) and came back to life--is she mortal? Immortal? A demi-god? A god?
• Who put their hand on Gabrielle's backside? Autolycus or Xena?
• After Gabrielle/Xena threw the chakram at Velasca, where did it go?

QUIBBLES

• While picking the lock on the temple closet, Autolycus doesn't quite insert the magic key into the lock, yet it opens anyway.
• Why didn't Xena possess Gabrielle in order to get her body back?
• The sleight of head during The Kiss, clever, but I feel cheated; this is ancient Greece, land of polysexual practices.

KIBBLES AND BITS

• Homage to the movies All of Me and Ghost.
• The warped, warbling warcry signaling Xena's about to take over someone's body.
• Gabrielle and Argo bonding.
• Gabrielle's 'let the pyre commence' Disneyland-esque arm wave.
• Gabrielle riding Xena's casket (hang ten!)
• Gabrielle's hitched intake of breath when she sees Xena on the dreamplane.
• Gabrielle/Xena's evil chuckle and look when she sends Velasca tumbling towards the spikes.
• Gabrielle catching ambrosia with her brassiere (look ma, no hands!)
• Gabrielle's smile as she approaches Xena, newly resurrected and sitting on a log.

SCENES FROM THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR

Walking in the forest, after hiding Xena's casket, Autolycus is beside himself with curiosity after 'coming to' and finding himself kissing Gabrielle:

A: "Gabrielle, do you and Xena usually work things out like that?"
G: "Like what?"
A: "You know, the, the lip thing."
G: "Lip thing? Lip--oh! Kissing?"
A: "Yeah, kissing."
G: "No, we don't."
A: "But I thought, I mean, I would assume--"
G: "Assume what?"
A: "You and Xena are, you know."
G: "I'm afraid I don't know."
A: "You really are young, aren't you?"
G: "What's that supposed to mean?"
A: "You are Queen of the Amazons, right?"
G: "Yes, what does that have to do with Xena and me?"
A: "Do I have to draw you a picture?"
G: *gives him a blank look*
A: "Amazons. All women. No men."
G: *furrows her brow*
A: "So you and Xena aren't, uh, together?"
G: "But we are."
A: "You just said you weren't."
G: "Oh...you think Xena and I are lovers?"
A: "Well, yeah."
G: "Well, I..." *flustered*
A: "I gotta admit, the idea of you and Xena together makes a man's britches shrink a size."
G: "Autolycus! You better hope Xena didn't hear you."
A: "She's gone. Besides, it was a joke. Did she lose her sense of humor along with her body?"
Xena smacks Autolycus with his own arm
A: "Ow!"
G: "She's back."
A: "Apparently. Perhaps I should start charging hazard pay."

'Round midnight in the Amazon Queen's hut, Xena and Gabrielle get ready for bed:

G: "Xena, that kiss...what did you mean by it?"
X: "I'm not sure I understand."
G: "Was it a 'thou shall not offend the bible belt platonic friend kiss'; an 'ambiguous, somewhat titillating maybe they are, maybe they aren't kiss'; or a 'hey gal pal, just you wait 'til I get my body back cuz men are a no no at the lesbo a go go' kiss?'
X: "Huh? Gabrielle, it should be obvious."
G: "Well it isn't. Care to make it crystal clear?"
X: "You sure?"
G: "Yes, absolutely."
Xena kisses Gabrielle
X: "Well?"
G: "Mmm, nice. Much better without the facial hair."
X: "Yes, but is it clear?"
G: "Still a bit fuzzy around the edges, how about one more."
X: "Gabriiellle."
G: "Quick! It's getting fuzzier by the moment."
X: "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were--"
G: "Shameless, you're right. Now cut the chit chat, Princess, and kiss me again."

HAIKU! BLESS YOU

Geez, touchy, touchy
Xena, laugh, it was a joke
Don't be such a stiff

Scratchy, it tickled
But it was nice, very nice
Next time no mustache

XENA'S SKILLS

• Body possession
• Resurrection

GABRIELLE'S SKILLS

• Queen for a day
• Casket wrangler
• Tarzan-esque rope climber
• Shortstop (nice ambrosia save--Gab doesn't need a mitt when she's wearing a wonderbra)

DISCLAIMER

Xena's body was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.   However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his swagger back.

TAUNT ME, TEASE ME, NEXT WEEK'S EP

Velasca has more lives than a cat--the bitch is back! She's pissed and looking to settle the score with Gabrielle. Xena has a creative solution, as always, Callisto! Hmmmmmbaby! Talk about Estrogen central! More backstabbin' bitchslappin' fun than a roomful of PMS'ing grrls fighting over the last pint of Ben and Jerry's Double Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.

LaLa